Tips for Maintaining Relationships
Relationships go wrong. Pain is caused, careless word is spoken, thoughtless acts committed ,important things get neglected, someone is offended and the painful process of alienation begins. We must learn to mend them. We can’t control how people will respond to us when we try to work out relational problems. We must own up to our part, humbly ask for forgiveness and make any changes needed, we can let God handle the healing. We must forgive as God forgives us John 1:9) You can rebuild, strengthen, and maintain relationships when you follow God’s example of love, humility, and forgiveness.
Broken relationships causes Avoidance of and Irritability with the offending person., People may apply the Silent treatment. Allies may be recruited to justify our point of view and in extreme cases aggression. This may involve slanderous attacks that destroy someone’s influence and character, or emotional or physical abuse.
Don’t make things worse, do not say or do things that can inflame the situation. Don’t Ignore or cover it up. Don’t be manipulative. Face the issues causing the problem and do not attack the person.
Trying to right the situation can be verry difficult. the Bible says that trying to win back the friendship of an offended person is like trying to capture an armed city. “A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel” (proverbs 18:19).
Be honest and diagnose the problem What really happened? What did I not do right? How have they affected /offended me? Was my reaction Appropriate (and Christ like)?Could I have handled the situation better?
Steps to take
A biblical example- In Jesus’s example we see the steps necessary to make peace with others. He loved, He humbled Himself, He suffered, He invited, and He forgave.
Love: It is difficult to show love, when the conflict has evoked loads of negative feelings. You must choose to Love and make peace. (Biblically we are commanded to “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (luke 6:27–28).
Make the first move. Love Makes the First Move: If we are going to remedy the situation, we must be willing to initiate the process. This is despite our natural inclination to avoid them. Loving them means going to them to work things out.
Be Humble: Our pride is one of the obstacles to conflict resolution. It is not a sign of weakness to initiate reconciliation. Humility means we should not think of ourselves more highly than we should. Take an interest in the needs and concerns of others. Consider their own feelings and opinions even when we disagree with them.
Though we are suffering we are commanded that ‘we live peaceably with all people’. When conflict arise we must determine to work toward reconciliation, aware that suffering is a part of the process. Let us have the Courage and Confidence to initiate and go through reconciliation despite our own feelings and hurt. (Biblical-Romans 12:14–15).
Invite: The other person to talk things over. It is one of the hardest things to do,to sit down and calmly resolve issues without letting anger and emotions take over. But a confrontation is absolutely necessary if relationships are to be repaired. Whenever conflict arises, we must invite the other party to talk about the issues. Our differences cannot be resolved without this very important step. (Biblical-Obey this command Matthew 18:15).
Honesty and Openness is required when discussions are held. Say how you feel and acknowledge each other’s feelings and hurt.
Forgiveness: Be ready to Forgive and Reach a Compromise.. We must be willing to acknowledge our offenses and forgive one another as God has forgiven us. (Biblical (Colossians 3:13) Forgive if they repent or acknowledge their own wrongs. We must choose to forgive in spite of our feelings. It is not only an act of our will but it must reflect in out attitudes
A mediator may be involved if private face to face discussion does not resolve issues.
If it does not work
- Don’t blame yourself. You may have tried everything and the other person keeps attacking. You are for peace ,they are for war. Whatever in their attitude hinders the restorative process, It may be bitterness, fear, anger, shame, resentment, or pride. Leav that to God to change them
- Pray for them.
- Get help for them.
- Be patient, continue to love them, practice kindness, avoid jealousy. Continue to be humble. Do not be rude. Do not hold a grudge, never plan a revenge. Don’t go about bradcacting what they did to you.
Tips for relationship Maintenance.
- Talk openly. express your feelings. Do these with the righ ton of voice and at the right time. Avoid phases like’ you always—’ Use ‘When you do that It make me feel—à
- Communicate honestly. (Biblical -1 Peter 2:1). We should not lie to one another (Biblical Colossians 3:9). Honesty builds trust and brings us closer together.
- Respect each other. Respecting and esteeming each other is essential for our wellbeing. When personal regard is mutually expressed, it causes us to respond to one another with a warm hearted acceptance. And this acceptance is maintained as we continue to honour one another (Biblical -Romans 12:10).
- Resolve your differences. Control your anger. Do not go to bed without amicably sorting out differences. (Biblical- Ephesians 4:26) Do not let your anger simmer.
- Be Patient. Share each other’s problems. We need each other. (Biblical-Galatians 6:2).
- Correct each other in Love. Give constructive criticism. This may be difficult and needs to be done at the right time, with the right words and tone of voice. Truthful and loving criticism has the best interests of the other person in mind. Although this kind of criticism hurts, it is the pain of friendship.
- Be faithful, loyal and serve each other. The essence of unconditional love is giving to the one loved (even at our own expense).